One of my first tasks in my new gig was to prepare a rather large PowerPoint Presentation for the Floral Merchandisers Meeting for all of the divisions. Our Group Director and our VP had to give a presentation at this meeting, so I worked diligently with numerous animated slides (think star-wipes and spins), images, and music.
“Boring! Why am I reading about this?” I can already hear from across the interweb. Well, you see, the theme of our presentation was The Magic of Quality, and it was decided that we really had to jazz up the presentation, so I was sent off to do research.
The first thing I had to do was visit a magic store in my neighborhood. I had no idea that a magic store would be packed with customers on an early Wednesday evening, but man was it ever. I waited patiently in line while the guy behind the counter was debating the merits of various disappearing scarves.
Once I made it to the front of the line, I explained to him that I needed two tricks that could be performed by any amateur, would look good on video and, if possible, include flowers. I ended up with a color changing magic scarf (basically it’s just a scarf that turns inside out when you hold onto the one end), and a magic bouquet of flowers (you remove the flowers from the stems, push a little knob up in back, and more flowers grow out of it). I’m not a magician, so I’m not beholden to the code of don’t ever tell them how it’s done.
I was told to find some David Copperfield videos, so I dutifully fired up Google Video and found a goldmine of craptacular “magic”. Of course, everyone LOVED it.
One video had an introduction to Mr. Copperfield which we copied almost word for word, substituting quality and floral related dialogue. This script was then taken to the AV center to record, and I’ll get into details later.
One video showed a guy riding in on a motorcycle, which was then covered by a cloth by DC. Hocus-Pocus, Abracadabra, the cloth is removed to reveal two women underneath! Roars of approval came from my supervisors, who came up with a suitable substitute.
When the meeting rolled around last Wednesday, I was nervous. We had barely practiced anything at all, and we had specific stage directions, music cues, etc. that we had to nail or else we’d look like idiots.
The presentation is going ok, all of my animation and songs were spot on, so that was good. We were right after lunch so I saw numerous people straining to keep their eyes open. Towards the end we pulled off such a magic show it would have made GOB proud.
The lights go down, and they run the video of a shadowy close-up of our VP’s eyes. It camera pulls back to show our VP running the magic scarf color-changing trick. The screen then goes black for a brief moment, then a 10-1 countdown shows up on the screen.
This was my cue. As Seal’s “Crazy” (I tried to get them to play Europe’s Final Countdown) played over the speakers, I hopped on stage wearing an all-black outfit and a motorcycle helmet. In an attempt to recreate the motorcycle stunt, I rode my co-worker’s daughter’s Razor Scooter (with a large flashlight taped to the front of it) back and forth across the darkened stage. It was very unfortunate that I could not talk them into renting a Segway. I was very careful to not go tumbling over the sides or into the podium, but still have very dramatic foot kicks. I then ducked down as other co-workers came on stage with a large pink cloth. The VP snuck on stage behind the cloth they were carrying, the Group Director made some fantastical hand gestures, and the cloth was removed to show the VP on the scooter in my place!
“How did I disappear?” you may ask? I simply crawled behind the cloth when it was removed to the other side of the stage, army crawled down the stairs, and took my position to hand off the magic bouquet and receive the Razor when the VP was done with her victory lap.
Once the bouquet trick was completed, we did a trick using glowing lotion that shows up under black-lights, showing the need to properly clean floral buckets and equipment. I did actually get them to use Gorillaz “Feel Good Inc.” for this stunt, despite the fact that it had the word “ass-crack” in it.
Successfully completing the glow trick, we moved all of the props off the side of the stage for the Group Director and the VP to make some concluding remarks. The final, and most intensive PowerPoint Slides, then came up along with some music by Jennifer Hudson (I’ve been told that she was from American Idol and was in the movie Dream Girls). While some song about changing came on, myself and 3 co-workers ran out into the audiences throwing roses into the 150 people in the hotel ballroom (I had to get to work extra early that morning to manually de-throne 8 dozen roses).
We then ran back on stage with the Group Director and VP and took bows as big “Do Not” red circle with lines through them showed up over all of our store competitors.
Cheesy as heck, right? We brought the house down with a standing ovation. I have a weird job.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Start with the Rock, End up in the Kiddie Pool
Last Saturday was the guerilla-style Asian Man Records 11th Year anniversary show headlined by The Lawrence Arms, held at a tailgate at McAfee Stadium (Oakland A’s). Seems that Mr. Park forgot to celebrate his 10th year anniversary, so he just adjusted by a year, and everyone ended up a winner.
After recovering from the formal anniversary show the night before at Bottom of the Hill, Josh Sixkiller, Michelle, Joe and I met up at the Mucky Duck for a drink before catching the train. Turned out that Joe and 6 ended up wearing the same Cobra Skulls T-shirt that we had all bought at their show a couple of weeks previous. So they looked like a really lame gang, or at least a two-man team.
Once we arrived in Oakland, we wandered to the far end of the parking lot where about 150 kids were enjoying the free, unsanctioned show. Mike had brought a couple of kegs, 600 hot dogs, and tons of Cds, Stickers and Posters, all gratis.
I’m glad that Mike Park is still able to put out bands he likes, and has always tried to help out the community in whatever way he can. He’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, in the band business or otherwise, I even wore my ancient Ska Against Racism show staff shirt for the event.
The Larry Arms played great, even though it was early and the band were obviously nursing hangovers or tremendous proportions. More booze (from the kegs and my 375ml of SoCo) always helps. The lead singer pointed out Joe and 6’s matching t-shirts, and taunted me for liking one of his previous bands (The Broadways).
After the show on the way back to the city, I ended up meeting a recent MN transplant on BART. The fact that she was wearing a D4 shirt was a pretty big giveaway. So our enlarged group made their way down to the bar where 6 had to work and enjoyed a few post concert beers.
That would have been a nice end to the day, but of course, I can’t let that stand. My buddy Dan owns Underdog’s Sports Bar and a little birdie told me there was going to be a Wet T-Shirt Contest that night. Now, I’ve never been to a Wet T-Shirt contest, but it sure seemed like a good idea to go after a nice long day of drinking in the sun. So a group of us left one sports bar to go meet some more friends at the other.
Every time you bought a drink you received a raffle ticket. If your ticket was pulled out of the fish bowl, you were the big winner who got to pour a pitcher of water on the contestant, who was placed in a kiddie pool on top of the bar. As luck would have it, my number got pulled for the last entrant. I made my way behind the bar, received my pitcher, and then took a long swig from it. The rest is explained in the below video. Be sure to check out my water fountain impression, you have to look closely.
Now be aware, this is NOT SAFE FOR WORK. I do not want anyone to get in trouble by pasting this 8 second clip of awesomeness in their browser. You have been warned.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KhBZUg0MQQ
I ended up the evening passed out on my friend Doug’s couch. The end.
After recovering from the formal anniversary show the night before at Bottom of the Hill, Josh Sixkiller, Michelle, Joe and I met up at the Mucky Duck for a drink before catching the train. Turned out that Joe and 6 ended up wearing the same Cobra Skulls T-shirt that we had all bought at their show a couple of weeks previous. So they looked like a really lame gang, or at least a two-man team.
Once we arrived in Oakland, we wandered to the far end of the parking lot where about 150 kids were enjoying the free, unsanctioned show. Mike had brought a couple of kegs, 600 hot dogs, and tons of Cds, Stickers and Posters, all gratis.
I’m glad that Mike Park is still able to put out bands he likes, and has always tried to help out the community in whatever way he can. He’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, in the band business or otherwise, I even wore my ancient Ska Against Racism show staff shirt for the event.
The Larry Arms played great, even though it was early and the band were obviously nursing hangovers or tremendous proportions. More booze (from the kegs and my 375ml of SoCo) always helps. The lead singer pointed out Joe and 6’s matching t-shirts, and taunted me for liking one of his previous bands (The Broadways).
After the show on the way back to the city, I ended up meeting a recent MN transplant on BART. The fact that she was wearing a D4 shirt was a pretty big giveaway. So our enlarged group made their way down to the bar where 6 had to work and enjoyed a few post concert beers.
That would have been a nice end to the day, but of course, I can’t let that stand. My buddy Dan owns Underdog’s Sports Bar and a little birdie told me there was going to be a Wet T-Shirt Contest that night. Now, I’ve never been to a Wet T-Shirt contest, but it sure seemed like a good idea to go after a nice long day of drinking in the sun. So a group of us left one sports bar to go meet some more friends at the other.
Every time you bought a drink you received a raffle ticket. If your ticket was pulled out of the fish bowl, you were the big winner who got to pour a pitcher of water on the contestant, who was placed in a kiddie pool on top of the bar. As luck would have it, my number got pulled for the last entrant. I made my way behind the bar, received my pitcher, and then took a long swig from it. The rest is explained in the below video. Be sure to check out my water fountain impression, you have to look closely.
Now be aware, this is NOT SAFE FOR WORK. I do not want anyone to get in trouble by pasting this 8 second clip of awesomeness in their browser. You have been warned.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KhBZUg0MQQ
I ended up the evening passed out on my friend Doug’s couch. The end.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
2007 2nd Quarter Reading List
Here's a sample of what I've read over the last three months, hope you find something you might like.
Possible Side Effects by Augusten Burroughs – Another memoir from Augusten, he has such a great sense of humor. I think my favorites in this one was his abnormal fear of the tooth fairy as a child plus how he ended up owing his cleaning lady $20K.
Blink by Malcolm Gladwell – This time Mr. Gladwell explores the idea of thinking without thinking about it. Basically, it’s all about the extreme end of first impressions. Some really neat stuff about experts on reading people’s facial expressions was included in here.
Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson by Geoffry C. Ward – Awesome biography on the first great black Heavyweight Boxing Champion. You can easily draw some comparisons between Johnson and another outspoken heavyweight who came around about 60 years later (Ali, duh!). Great anecdote was included here about Johnson getting pulled over for speeding in a small town. The fine was going to be $50, Johnson gave the cop $100, telling him “I’ll be coming back through the same way”.
A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby – Not one of my favorite Hornby books, but still pretty entertaining. It’s about four strangers who all climb to the top of the same building on New Year’s Ever with intentions of committing suicide, but form a sort of dysfunctional support group for each other.
Little Big Man by Thomas Berger – One of the top ten funniest books I’ve ever read, I’d recommend this one to anyone. A senior in a nursing home recounts how he grew up with the Indians, hung out with Wild Bill Hickock, and was the only surviving white man at The Battle of Little Big Horn.
Baseball Between the Numbers by Baseball Prospectus – Really fun baseball book that has the subtitle “why everything you think you knew about the game was wrong”. Very interesting take on how to interpret statistics, including an intriguing section comparing Rickey Henderson to the infamous Pete Incaviglia, and claiming that they had about equal value to their teams. If you’re a fan of the sport, pick this up.
Candy Girl by Diablo Cody – A memoir about a woman in MPLS who decided to quit her day job and become a stripper. Pretty interesting look at the profession, and it was funny to me to see her mention all of the nudie places back in the city (Déjà vu, Showgirls, Skyway Lounge).
Fantasyland by Sam Walker – Hilarious book about the author trying to win Tout Wars, the most competitive Rotisserie Baseball league in the nation. He ends up using his influence as a reporter/baseball insider to try and swing trades, and uses his advance of $50K to try to win the whole thing. He hires two staffers to help him with the draft, and even gives all of his players on his team T-shirts and trophies to his players of the month.
Gimp by Mark Zupan and Tim Swanson – Interesting biography about the star of Murderball (recent movie documentary about wheelchair rugby). Turns out Zupan was always pissed off, even before his accident left him paralyzed. Awesome story about him crowd surfing, in his chair, at a Pearl Jam concert.
Plagues and Peoples by William H McNeill – A history of infectious diseases, and how they affected history. Interesting to note that the Mongols spread a bunch of diseases in addition to their marauding, and that the same virus that causes the Bubonic Plague is in just about every gopher hole in California.
The Dirt as told by Motley Crue – Hmmm, can’t get umlauts on this thing, oh well, but this is an oral history of the band. How none of these guys ended up dead is beyond me. I would end up laughing uncontrollably on BART some mornings, disturbing all other passengers. Highly entertaining.
Can I Keep My Jersey by Paul Shirley – The journeyman forward, famous for his blogs on NBA.com, tells about his first four years after leaving Iowa State trying to become a professional basketball player. Interesting look at the life of a marginal NBA player, from a guy who doesn’t even seem to like basketball (and for sure, doesn’t like basketball players), all that much.
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov – I’ve heard about this book from a number of people in the last year, all proclaiming it is their favorite book. It’s influenced everyone from The Lawrence Arms to Buck 65, so I had to get it to see what all of the hype is about. Once working my way through all of the Russian names and keeping it straight, it was a pretty fantastic book. All about the Devil coming to Moscow and the havoc that comes along with it. Great satire of communism.
Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynee Truss – Angry linguist that is frustrated with how far the English Language has fallen. Kind of lame, I can’t believe this was a best-seller. Language is always going to change and she has a hard time dealing with it, I guess.
Ballpark Blues by C.W. Tooke – Lame read that just seemed like an excuse for the author to take out his frustrations with professional sports in novel form. Don’t bother.
Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins – Mr. Robbins is such a weirdo, and this novel was no different. A princess living in Seattle falls in love with an angry bomber, ends up marrying a Middle Eastern Prince and gets him to build her a pyramid. Always entertaining, but like I said, weird.
Possible Side Effects by Augusten Burroughs – Another memoir from Augusten, he has such a great sense of humor. I think my favorites in this one was his abnormal fear of the tooth fairy as a child plus how he ended up owing his cleaning lady $20K.
Blink by Malcolm Gladwell – This time Mr. Gladwell explores the idea of thinking without thinking about it. Basically, it’s all about the extreme end of first impressions. Some really neat stuff about experts on reading people’s facial expressions was included in here.
Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson by Geoffry C. Ward – Awesome biography on the first great black Heavyweight Boxing Champion. You can easily draw some comparisons between Johnson and another outspoken heavyweight who came around about 60 years later (Ali, duh!). Great anecdote was included here about Johnson getting pulled over for speeding in a small town. The fine was going to be $50, Johnson gave the cop $100, telling him “I’ll be coming back through the same way”.
A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby – Not one of my favorite Hornby books, but still pretty entertaining. It’s about four strangers who all climb to the top of the same building on New Year’s Ever with intentions of committing suicide, but form a sort of dysfunctional support group for each other.
Little Big Man by Thomas Berger – One of the top ten funniest books I’ve ever read, I’d recommend this one to anyone. A senior in a nursing home recounts how he grew up with the Indians, hung out with Wild Bill Hickock, and was the only surviving white man at The Battle of Little Big Horn.
Baseball Between the Numbers by Baseball Prospectus – Really fun baseball book that has the subtitle “why everything you think you knew about the game was wrong”. Very interesting take on how to interpret statistics, including an intriguing section comparing Rickey Henderson to the infamous Pete Incaviglia, and claiming that they had about equal value to their teams. If you’re a fan of the sport, pick this up.
Candy Girl by Diablo Cody – A memoir about a woman in MPLS who decided to quit her day job and become a stripper. Pretty interesting look at the profession, and it was funny to me to see her mention all of the nudie places back in the city (Déjà vu, Showgirls, Skyway Lounge).
Fantasyland by Sam Walker – Hilarious book about the author trying to win Tout Wars, the most competitive Rotisserie Baseball league in the nation. He ends up using his influence as a reporter/baseball insider to try and swing trades, and uses his advance of $50K to try to win the whole thing. He hires two staffers to help him with the draft, and even gives all of his players on his team T-shirts and trophies to his players of the month.
Gimp by Mark Zupan and Tim Swanson – Interesting biography about the star of Murderball (recent movie documentary about wheelchair rugby). Turns out Zupan was always pissed off, even before his accident left him paralyzed. Awesome story about him crowd surfing, in his chair, at a Pearl Jam concert.
Plagues and Peoples by William H McNeill – A history of infectious diseases, and how they affected history. Interesting to note that the Mongols spread a bunch of diseases in addition to their marauding, and that the same virus that causes the Bubonic Plague is in just about every gopher hole in California.
The Dirt as told by Motley Crue – Hmmm, can’t get umlauts on this thing, oh well, but this is an oral history of the band. How none of these guys ended up dead is beyond me. I would end up laughing uncontrollably on BART some mornings, disturbing all other passengers. Highly entertaining.
Can I Keep My Jersey by Paul Shirley – The journeyman forward, famous for his blogs on NBA.com, tells about his first four years after leaving Iowa State trying to become a professional basketball player. Interesting look at the life of a marginal NBA player, from a guy who doesn’t even seem to like basketball (and for sure, doesn’t like basketball players), all that much.
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov – I’ve heard about this book from a number of people in the last year, all proclaiming it is their favorite book. It’s influenced everyone from The Lawrence Arms to Buck 65, so I had to get it to see what all of the hype is about. Once working my way through all of the Russian names and keeping it straight, it was a pretty fantastic book. All about the Devil coming to Moscow and the havoc that comes along with it. Great satire of communism.
Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynee Truss – Angry linguist that is frustrated with how far the English Language has fallen. Kind of lame, I can’t believe this was a best-seller. Language is always going to change and she has a hard time dealing with it, I guess.
Ballpark Blues by C.W. Tooke – Lame read that just seemed like an excuse for the author to take out his frustrations with professional sports in novel form. Don’t bother.
Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins – Mr. Robbins is such a weirdo, and this novel was no different. A princess living in Seattle falls in love with an angry bomber, ends up marrying a Middle Eastern Prince and gets him to build her a pyramid. Always entertaining, but like I said, weird.
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