I Sell Propane and Propane Accessories

My buddy Paul bought a deep-fryer for the turkeys he made for Thanksgiving and Super Bowl, and about a month ago we came up with the idea to have a deep-fry party. The King of the Hill episode in which Bill and Boomhauer decided that they would only deep fry foods since the day they had purchased one inspired the party. Saturday was the day that all arteries within an 8 block radius were clogged, all the local high school kids broke out with severe acne just from walking by the party, and some truly disturbing (yet delicious) items were thrown into a vat of canola oil pre-heated to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

There were only two rules to the party; 1) you could only eat deep-fried food and 2) if you brought it to deep-fry it, you had to at least try it. Following is a list of everything I ate at the deep fry party, complete with commentary and rankings (all rankings based out of number of arteries clogged out of 10):

Battered Jalapeno Poppers (9) – The first entry into the bubbling oil was a masterpiece. Fresh jalapeno peppers opened and stuffed with cream cheese, Monterey Jack cheese, Cajun seasoning, and the key ingredient, bacon. These things were a great kickoff to the party. It only gets a 9 out of 10 because we hadn’t yet figured out that we needed to dip the deep fried items in milk/eggs, flour, then the batter. As a result, most of the batter fell off of the first couple of items.

Battered Sliced Dill Pickles (3) – Not very good due to the fact that the batter pretty much fell off of these right away. All that was left was a soggy, hot pickle. This was the one thing we brought that bombed.

Battered White Button Mushrooms (7) – Deep-fried mushrooms are one of my favorite appetizers, and this was one of the things that we brought. The batter stuck to this pretty well, but we had placed it in the second of the two deep-fryers at the party. The problem was the oil was nearly 500 degrees, so they got brown very fast.

Battered Zucchini (7) – Again, one of our contributions, this had a great texture, and held up very well. We cut it into thin slices which was perfect, but we had thrown it in as the same time as the mushrooms, so too brown, too quick.

Battered Catfish (9) – Catfish, in my opinion, is only truly great when fried. This was no exception. Flavorful, flaky, and fantastic.

Battered Shrimp (6) – Pretty good, but not as good as I’d hoped for. A little bland.

Sweet-Battered Ice Cream Bon-Bons (6) – This would have been a lot better had at not been for the execution. We used Mochi, which are Japanese ice cream bon-bons. Mochi have a thicker shell than a normal bon-bon, which worked out well for the deep-fry process. The problem was that these stuck to the bottom of the basket. When we removed the bon-bons, the bottoms would rip out, leaving a runny ice cream/batter mess. Tasted fantastic, messy as all hell.

Battered Crawfish Tails (4) – I expected these to be better as well, but much like the shrimp, they were quite bland. Combined with the chewy texture, I was rather bummed out that this didn’t work out.

Perogi (9) – These were not battered, but are an Eastern European dumpling filled with mashed potatoes. Outstanding!

Battered Avocado (8) – This was peeled and halved, and was really yummy. Ed took the other half of the avocado and wrapped it in bacon. I did not try that one, however.

Bacon (7) – Receives a higher score, because hey, it’s bacon. Didn’t really taste any better or worse than normal bacon though.

Battered Sage Leaves (5) – Interesting theory, but not the greatest. Basically tasted like Thanksgiving stuffing.

Battered Black Olives (5) – Tasted like warm olives, and some extra oil got stuck in the hole. Nothing too great.

Pizza (5) – Good concept from Ed, but just didn’t translate well. We should have tried a Hot Pocket or something instead.

Battered Big Mac (10) – Again from Ed, this was out of sight! People were pretending they were not interested or grossed out, but those people deep down in their hearts know that this kicked major booty. I’m sure we were not the first people to batter and deep-fry a Big Mac, but I want to be sure it is not my last. The bun stayed good and warm, but not soggy. The cheese got melted and the special sauce seemed to achieve maximum tang. Think if I bribe my local joint they’ll do one for me?

So I tried about 15 different deep-fried foods, and as of 27 hours later, no signs of a heart stoppage. Yet.

Take care,

jeremy